degrassi fan fiction

never a doubt

2011-05-02T01:10:00.020-05:00

Julia supposed she was just going to have to use some magic on Eli. Seriously, he was getting out of hand.

"Don't you go blaming this on me." She found him when he least expected it, in the MENS BATHROOM at school.

"What the fuck!" He almost peed on her.

"I'm happy to see you too." She winced with a smile. Her arms were no longer crossed. "You need me, and you know it."

"No I don't." He looked puzzled. Almost deranged. She liked that about him. Dark. Disturbed. But really, he was fooling around way too much.

"You know, I'm the only one you'll ever need." She gave him a dead stare as he zipped up his pants.

"I don't think so." He smirked back.

"Think again, dildo boy." Her smile was sly. Had he no idea there was a new sheriff in his head, and she planned to make him her puppet. "Come with me."

"Why?" He looked scared and Julia liked that. He so needed to be scared. He'd been far too foolish with so many little sluts at school. It was time to whip him into shape. "Open your eyes, boy." She grabbed him by the arm then. "I'm the best you ever had. Don't forget it." She suppose she'd have to dip her hand down into that heart of his a squeeze it tight. So she did.

She heard his choke. His eyes closed. He fell to the floor, barely breathing. Julia just smiled. He didn't really know what had hit him on the restroom floor.

what to think now

2011-04-24T01:35:00.007-05:00

"What?" Clare couldn't believe what Owen was trying to tell her about Adam. "The two of them?" She winced hard. It couldn't be. Adam was in to her, but then she was suppose to be into Eli, but he didn't seem to have time for her, lately.

Clare shook her head. No, she didn't want to believe it. But what if it were true? Maybe she meant nothing to Adam.

This was tearing her a part. And the only person she could find herself pouring all this out on was Jay. Jay of all people.

"Its not the end of the world." His grin was complete. As it was, he'd gotten his old job back at the gas station. He and Mannie had called it quits after a long engagement. "You're young." He told her. "Just snap out of it."

But Clare didn't want to. There was only Eli's arch-nemsis to turn to. Fitz.

She wanted to tell him he was a liar and that he was faking religion. But she couldn't. Not when she looked Fitz in the eye. She doubted herself now. On so many levels. What had she done? Spending all this time with Adam, just to be jilted. She felt as if a confession was in order, somehow. But did she really want Fitz to know everything about her?

like a new burning religion

2011-04-21T10:31:00.000-05:00

Fiona had a feeling she might not be with the one she'd wanted to be with. Of course, it kind of got dizzy on their trip to New York City, anyhow. Maybe it was the drugs. But she had to face the fact, he was with her. Wasn't he?

Well, she liked him..now didn't she?

He was so cool. Especially, when he was emo. But did she like that other Eli. You know, just ELI.

Fiona didn't think so. Of course, it was Declan she missed the most. Always would. Couldn't help herself. After all, she was little warped and well, as long as Eli was a little warped....

Fiona was having second thoughts about that. Honestly, she was. Especially, when Declan called.

"What, you want to see me?" Fiona couldn't help but smile when she got his call. It had been forever. It was like he'd banned her from him. Or something.

"Yeah, we should talk?" She could feel his smile already.

After all, New Years day had been ages ago. It was time to be a new Fiona. She didn't need time with Eli to make her cool. She was looking forward to Declan, like a new pony. Maybe this time, they'd get it right.

just in time

2010-12-31T11:59:00.001-06:00

"Well?" Fiona looked at Eli as if he were supposed to know. But he gave her a wince as if he hadn't a clue what that was suppose to mean. After all, she found him coming out of the DOT. She was in her little sporty car.

"Get in." She ordered.

"All righty then." He acted as if he could add lib, somehow.

"I want to go to New York." She informed him with her hands on the wheel.

"Right now?" He acted as if he had things to do, and they weren't with her.

"Remember, you said, you'd go." She gave him a glare then as if she meant business.

"Did I? Really?" His half cocked smirk would not do. She drove on. He was going. After awhile, he said. "Then let me drive, will you?"

"But why? Its my car. I am just fine." She liked to drive.

"I feel like such a pansy, you know, letting a girl drive." He shrugged, looking away as if this would be a terribly long trip if she didn't let him have his way.

"No, you might go to Toronto, instead. I want Manhattan. We have to get to Times Square to watch the ball drop." She sounded indifferent. He would just have to suck it up.

"Whatever." He was being cold now. How did they ever get along. He was making her restless.

"Fine." She finally pulled over.

His smile was sly then as she rolled over him to the passenger side. He caught her in a kiss. They stayed there for a very long time. It was good to feel his lips next to hers. He was so warm.

"Listen," she decided to tell him while caught in this tight spot with him that he was really trying to make the most of. "I hear your Clare was out with Adam." She couldn't help but giggle. "But don't worry. I hear my brother has a thing for Clare. He misses those stories she used to write about him."

Eli just looked her in the eye, as if was not the information he needed. Finally, he kissed her again as if this was the moment that mattered. He got behind the wheel then. Yes, they were most definitely going to New York, just in time for New Year's Eve.

it won't take much

2010-10-27T15:26:00.001-05:00

Adam was only doing this with Eli so he/she might learn his secrets ..which Adam could use on Clare.

Yes, it was all in the knowledge of technique. Nothing more. Nothing less. She could keep a straight face with him. No need to think Grace might come slipping out of that warped mind of Adams. It was hard being 2 people, sometimes.

Only in Eli's case, he was just another guy. Dark Darth.

Who knew, maybe that's who Adam really wanted to get to know.

It was good that Eli had his smokes in the Hearst.

"You do have the good stuff, don't you, like last time?" She gave him a serious look as he started up his trusty vehicle, and they went on down past the ravine. No need to be with those needy kids. It was best that they could be alone. Perhaps in the grassy meadow.

Only it was cold as hell out. No way, could they bask in the sun during a ganja moment. Best they stay in. Share a smoke and dream a little dream with each other. Soon enough, they were all smiles. Adam was feeling pretty good.

"So do you get along with that other personality of yours?" Adam thought she said, but it could have been a thought. Eli just smiled at her as if he were in another world. Then he kissed her. It was a sweet kiss . Only Adam couldn't help but laugh. But the second deep kiss, she thought she might be in orbit, somewhere else.

"You're ready for the next level, aren't you?" He whispered in her ear.

She just looked at him, wondering what the fuck he was talking about. She thought she knew. She unbuttoned his shirt, as he undid hers. And when they kissed more. She wasn't sure who she was, nor what she was, but it was in her head, who she wanted. It was as if he knew all along how she'd be if she let him get to her. And she did. She finally felt free with out the bandage that had one time been her only way to rid her self of the one thing she hated about herself. But now, that had changed with just one touch.

play it again Sam

2010-10-12T15:14:00.007-05:00

Eli was feeling pleasantly wicked lately. Couldn't put his finger on it. Maybe it had something to do with Adam. Anyway, it had sent Darth under.

Such and ugly after thought now. But maybe that personality was in the vault, for good. If he were lucky. He wanted to keep his luck, cause he was back for more with Adam.

"You're crazy." She'd have none of it. Or was it he?

"I told you how we were playing this?" He tensed there out front of the Degrassi school grounds. Must he go over the rules, again.

"I don't care if you're gay." She informed him.

"Excuse me, you're the one who's gay." He pressed his index finger into her chest. He smiled then wanting to let something slip from those bandages. "God, what a fickle world we live in." He smirked. He looked around and if he might find better action with a tree.

"All right." Adam looked at him so ominous.

"Now, we're talking. Meet me by my car, after school." He was persistant.

"OK." Adam was just a little too restless.

Eli watched him/her walk away. Adam was just where he wanted him/her.

just another secret for the diary

2010-09-26T01:46:00.005-05:00

Dear Diary

OMG. Tell me this isn't true. Tell me..tell me I just miss Eli. And thats all it is.

Adam kissed me.

It wasn't suppose to happen. I was..I was just going out with him/her..just to be nice. I'm a nice person. Right?

And we had a good time. The place was so romantic. We ate outside. There was a chill, and he gave me his jacket.

But that kiss. It was just the one. At the end of the night. You know, kind of..I guess I have to.

I didn't think I'd want him. I never thought it possible. But I do. I want Adam.

Forgive me,

Clare

one moment after another

2010-09-22T01:35:00.020-05:00

Had Adam really kissed Eli back, or was that Gracie? Her other self. Had she deprived her that much?

It was a sick feeling. Really, it was. Adam wanted to understand it. Only they'd kissed more. To define the moment, perhaps. To make it real. Yes, this was real. She did have feelings for Eli, but there was Clare. Adam wanted Clare so badly. Was that so wrong. Her true self wanted this. He did. Yet, he couldn't quite believe Gracie wanted anything. Or did she.

God, it was sick having that other personality come out. The one who liked to cut herself. The one who was never happy. And yet, Eli had made her quite happy.

Adam had to think of Clare. Their date. Their time out.

When he went to pick her up, Adam knew Clare had her reservations.

"I'm going to be the best boyfriend, you ever had." Adam promised. After all, he did take her to a nice Italian place. Clare dressed up. She looked like a doll. All those curves. Just so adorable. And she had been sweet to Adam too. They'd found plenty to talk about. Really, Adam felt comfortable with Clare. It was just what he wanted.

Then the moment arrived. It only they could have done this down at the river. Anywhere but on her doorstep. Clare was on the top step. Adam just a step below her. His hands still in his pockets. He wouldn't try to be too clingy. There lips met. The puckered slightly. Adam hesitated. But it wouldn't be real without tongue.

He thought Clare might lose conscious soon enough. Yes, he'd mastered the kiss, thanks to Eli.

off and on

2010-09-18T14:54:00.017-05:00

Really, hanging out with Adam was the best. He didn't make things complicated. And yeah, things were so complicated.

Once it was dark, Darth came out to play. Eli felt he never slept. Well, maybe he did in his mind, but no telling what Darth got into at night. He was a night owl. A vampire of sorts and he had a piece of Eli's soul, his brain, his other life. And he shared his body til sun up. By then it was time for school.

It was amazing no one had ever really caught on yet. His evil twin. A bad personality disorder. Eli suspected they had a name for it, but it wasn't like he'd came right out of a text book. It was complicated. Mysterious, and Eli seldom ever got what he wanted, but Darth definitely did.

"So what if wanted to be your boyfriend?" Eli said out of the blue.

"What?" Adam cracked up.

"You know, you ever kissed a guy." Eli looked at Adam seriously.

"I don't want to kiss you." Adam winced.

"Maybe we could just....touch." Eli grinned. He needed somebody. He felt so cut off from everyone at the moment. He was not the party animal Darth was. He just needed to be needed.

He'd caught Adam off guard. Eli studied Adam's face.

"I'm kissing you like you're a guy, you know. Not a girl. This has nothing about being a girl." Eli gave Adam a sly smirk. And that's when they kissed. He knew he'd stunned Adam, but he kissed him back. There. They were on the same page.

afternoon delight

2010-09-12T14:22:00.028-05:00

"What up!" Adam was trying to sound cool when he met up with Eli after school. He was about to get into his old black death machine.

"You know, rock'n my world one study hall at a time." He took his earbuds out of his ears. "So you're looking chipper. I guess." He winced.

"Just waiting to see you." Adam grinned.

"What? You going gay on me?" Adam winced. They got in the black tank. Eli started it up on the third try.

"No." Adam winced. They were best buds. He didn't have to share everything with him. Besides, Adam wanted to see this through with Clare. Maybe they'd be more than friends. Maybe she could see who the best boyfriend would be. And it would be Adam, hands down.

"So, you bring some cash?" Usually, Eli had the goods on him already. Adam had never actually seen Eli's drug buddy. Just then he turned in to the mall and they strolled in to the cinemaplex. Soon enough, good old B showed up. And she was making a total connection with Eli.

Adam winced hard. She would be the one selling the pot or whatever. Why didn't he know this, already?

"Do you really trust her?" Adam couldn't help but ask when Eli came back.

"Relax, honey." Eli almost laughed at him.

"What if its total shit? You know." Adam did not trust B.

"I'm not saying she's my honeybunny, but she knows her stuff, and she wants to keep her customers happy and coming back for more. She's a really fruit machine, you know what I mean?

"No." Adam shook his head, but Eli hung on to him as if they were best buds. It wasn't long until they made it down by the rocks by the river.

Eli found a spot on the grassy knoll. He sttreched out with the lit little cigarette. He was getting high already while Eli was trying to sit Indian style.

"Look, just take that shitty bandaid of yours off and breath in some this heavenly shit." He told him while he took another hit. "Can't you just be free, man?"

Adam pressed his lips tight. It would be liberating to let her boobs out of this contraption, but she kept hoping one of these days, she'd take the wrap off and she'd have accomplished what she'd started. There would be nothing there but man tits.

"Why does it bother you?" Adam asked after taking a hit.

"It doesn't." He gave her a stare. "You just can't be you, can you? You'll always be hiding, won't you."

"What's that suppose to mean?" Adam swelled a frown.

"Just an observation, my friend. Just an observation." He handed back the little cigarette of weed.

more from Clare's secret diary

2010-09-08T14:01:00.008-05:00

Dear Diary,

Is this possibly a good idea? Me going out with Adam. I mean, I don't want to lead...him/her on. It just wouldn't be right. I don't swing that way, you know. It'll feel weird. Or is that just dirty? Me going out with a girl posing as a boy.

Well, whatever it takes. I guess it'll be OK. We're friends. And I accept her. I do. She's so Adam.

God..seriously, why can't we all be friends? I just want my Eli back. He's just been freaky since that night, you know at the school..when he almost got stabbed.

He seriously thought I'd have sex with that monster. How could he think that? Maybe this bully stuff is contagious. I hope Adam isn't trying to get back at Eli. They were friends.

Is this all my fault?

When did everything get so complicated?

I want be that smart girl. I'm just not sure I'm making all the right decisions, lately.

Later,

Clare

caught in the middle

2010-09-04T13:39:00.017-05:00

Adam slammed her locker hard. She was steamed. So furious. She was having trouble with that homophobe again, Bianca.

And to think she'd had the hots for her, learning that dance number. Now she hated her guts. The bitch wanted to beat her up. She'd made fun of her in the bathroom. Wasn't she a boy? Maybe she was a boy that needed to be beat up. Adam didn't want to tell her brother. She just wanted to fade into the wall paper around her. But she stood out like a sore thumb. Why did everyone have to be so hard on her?

After all, she was just a boy trapped in a girl's body.

"Are you all right?" There went Clare being her urgent care persona, making over her. Adam didn't want Clare touching her. Hadn't she already stole her best friend Eli?

"JUST DON"T!" Adam edged away.

"OK. Sorry." She looked at Clare who looked all sad.

"What's wrong?" Adam gave Clare a serious look as he held on to his backpack.

"You know." She hugged herself.

"What did he do this time?" Eli always left her aloof. Of course, Adam sometimes met Eli after school down by the river and smoked pot and had long talks. He was not a jerk then. He was just being Eli. The Eli that Adam liked to hang out with.

"Its like I'm not even here." Clare leaned against her locker.

"What if we could change that." Adam wondered why he hadn't thought of it sooner. "How about I take you out?"

"Me?" Clare winced.

"You know, just to pull his chain." Adam grinned. It felt like the best idea ever.

"Really?" Clare looked at her serious.

Adam wanted to kiss Clare right now, but he didn't want it to be too soon.

Clare's secret diary

2010-09-01T13:38:00.000-05:00

Dear Diary,

What to do? I'm in misery. Still, Eli is so haute...yet cold. Still. I thought we were over this. I thought..I thought he cared about me. I did.

I'm a crazy fool for him. But he's just so...beautiful.

Can I say that about him? I want him so bad. Its so hard not to want to be with him. I am so in lust with him. I want it to be love. I do.

What can I do to make it true? I need him. I want him. He's so everything to me. Is that why he's acting this way?

God, please don't be mad at me.

Clare

it couldn't be beneath you

2010-08-27T23:12:00.002-05:00

Darth was feeling he needed company. He could only take so much of his brother's new wife. He was out of there before she had time to question him about the panties. A smirk rose to the occasion. He checked out his black nails and put on just a wee bit more eyeliner.

And then....

He met up with Fiona at the high school parking lot.

"We gotta stop meeting this way." He grinned.

Sure he looked his part. Uniform. That crazy shit Mr. Simpson started after the last lock down. But the look. Well, that's where it stopped.

"You know I'm not gonna tell." He got in her sports car and she shot out of the parking lot. In a few seconds they were down to the park by the river.

He liked their deal. She was cleaning out the medicine cabinet. She brought him prescription drugs.

"You know, I don't want to be normal." Darth smirked as he looked through the bottle of antidepressants and sleep aids.

"I know." They sat there in her car and she moved closer in the leather seats and pushed her fingers like mad through his hair. "You're so much prettier with your hair back."

He just stared into her face. He looked at her sweet eyes. They kissed then and it was real. Very relaxed and oh so easy with Fiona.

"And why don't we do this at school?" His smile came easy now. He felt more grownup with her. Not a kid. Not a victim of a bully.

"Because I'm crazy." A laugh came to her. "And so are you."

"Yeah, I keep forgetting that." He touched her lips with his then. It was a soft kiss that grew and it was definitely the way he liked to start his morning, especially when she started touching him where he wanted to be touched.

what have I done to deserve this

2010-08-26T11:40:00.000-05:00

Ellie wasn't sure if she could handle this. Exactly. Derrick's little brother, Eli.

So she had done what she'd set out to do this past summer. Her internship at a fashion magazine. That was a blast, but it didn't last long, and she'd hooked up with Derrick.

He'd been a long-time internet friend. Actually. He'd been there for her through the thick and thin of it. Her ups and downs being in a band and falling for the lead singer. Her on again off again moments with Jimmy and he'd even listened to her problems with Marco.

She'd kept putting off meeting him. Ellie was certain it would not work. She knew him too well. She knew his letters made her laugh. His texts kept her going daily, but to meet him. Was that really going to be a plus?

Ellie had prided herself in enjoying her own company all this time. Especially, New York. Only, she didn't really find a connection with anyone there. It was not home. No Degrassi warmth there. Honestly, she never thought she'd need it. And then suddenly, Derrick showed up in her life. Right there in New York City. It had been fun, falling into something with him. She had no idea he'd be this irresistible.

It was a rush. This whole thing. Yes, they'd had the honeymoon before the wedding. New York City was out of the question. Perhaps just too expensive. But it had been great while it lasted. Derrick's days at the coffee shop. He'd loved it so much he decided he'd start his own. So they came back to the little metropolis she called home. Hoping to make a new start. Only, there was Eli to put up with.

"Just don't think of it that way, OK." Derrick had cuddled her so. "He's just fine. He's just my little brother who's been depressed. But he's on his meds now. You won't even know he's here."

Ellie tried to remember that as she served up hash browns and eggs to the ominous Eli who just gave her a smirk as he took the breakfast at the kitchen counter.

"So sis, have any bad dreams?" He gave her a slight pout that they must make conversation.

"Do you have to call me, Sis?" She scowled as she watched him slide the meal in his mouth with a fork.

"I can't re-call your name, exactly. Sissy. Yeah, I think that'll do." He gave her a sly smile that he was not going to change for her so she better get used to it.

Ellie did her best to ignore him as she went to fetch her laundry from the dryer. She dug through her warm clothes. Not a pair of panties in the load. Where had they gone off too?

here and back again

2010-08-22T21:15:00.000-05:00

Here he was being nice to Clare again. Eli wondered how long that would last. He'd have to play this game, and it was fun and all. After all, she did have pretty eyes. But then the tedious stuff would have to happen and then..then what.

Fact was, it had nothing to do with Clare. Nothing at all. She was sweet. Always did the right thing. Why couldn't it be perfect? Why couldn't it last? That's what he wanted. That's what Eli really wanted. She was easy to talk too. She cared. But would she care when she really knew the truth. The whole truth. Not the half truth like he'd told her.

How would she feel if..if she knew the guy who had had that fight with his girlfriend wasn't even really Eli. But someone else. A dark part of himself who..who went by some other name. Not even Eli, but Darth. His evil twin.

OK, so he couldn't say Darth was exactly real. He felt real. Especially, when he pushed Eli into a very dark place. Locked him in a closet, so to speak, and went on his little tangent. Like he did with with Lizzie.

It left him tired to think about. How it had been. How he'd spent his whole summer away from his family, trying to straighten himself out with straight jackets. All the therapy. Hopefully, KICKER! still wasn't on his file, but it might be.

Those days were over. He so hoped they were. He really hadn't had any bouts with Darth in so long now. It was as if he were a faded memory. Or was he?